Deloris Bedrosky My Mother

I started this story about my mother, Deloris Bedrosky on 2-5-14.  I wanted to write about her before she died.  I felt that it would be too hard to write about her if she was dead.  I would have to fight off tears which would make it really hard to see what I was writing.  Well I never got a chance to finish before she died on   2-12-14.  So now I will try to finish.  It has been a month and a half since I last saw her.  They say time heals.  Whoever “they” are?  Not sure if that is true.  We left for Florida for three weeks after the funeral, so that helped with the grief process.  But when we crossed over the bridge from Iowa to NE on our way back, I realized that I was not going to see her to tell her about our trip and how much I missed her.  That was such a habit after every trip.  She would listen and smile and maybe reply if able. 

2-5-14

    I am writing this as a love letter/history of my mother.  I have wanted to do this for awhile.  I want my grandkids to know about their great grandma Deloris Bedrosky.  They know a little bit like she was an artist, and Jocelyn wants to be an artist like her great grandma.  They visit her where she lives at Douglas County Care Center.  The grandkids, Julie, Nan, and I got together for her birthday on January 14, 2014.  I fed her birthday cake as the girls sorted and organized her jewelry, while the boys played with her balloons and a small flashlight they had found mixed with the jewelry.

    She turned 84 this year. To be honest I had not planned on her living to see her 84^th birthday.  I thought for sure she was not even going to make it to Christmas 2013.  I had planned a family Christmas get together for her at Douglas County, like I have done for the past years. In Dec. she had decided to quit eating and drinking.  Her doctor put her on comfort care and said she may have a few weeks left. I had told Jocelyn that news at church one Sunday.  She began to cry and said that she did not want Great Grandma to die.  Then later during the prayer time she turned to me and asked me to ask for prayer for Great Grandma.  I did and we prayed for her and that helped Jocelyn calm down. On my next visit with my mom, I told her that if she was ready to die then it was her choice.  I also told her that, we don’t want her to die and she’d better start eating and drinking. I told her about how upset Jocelyn was that she was not eating.

    She began to eat again because of prayer and we also took turns going up and feeding her.  She enjoys seeing her family and loved seeing Gary, as he came and helped to feed her.  Last week when I saw her she was very alert, up and dressed. She ate most of her lunch and drank her milk, protein drink, and soup. During our visits, I just hold her hand and talk to her about Angie, Julie, and the grandkids.  She really loves seeing Angie her first grandchild.  In Nov. Pat tried to surprise me by flying Angie in for a visit.  We had a great visit and she got to see Grandma a few times while in town. She is not able to talk much.  She can say a couple of words. Last week her word was “good.” They have to use a lift to get her into her wheel chair.  There are weeks that she does not want to get up and get dressed.  I also found out that my students were still coming to get her and take her to Bingo on Fridays.  She loves to win stuffed animals for the grandkids.  Back when I worked for Millard, I would take the students to volunteer on Fridays.  We would push residents to and from Bingo, dances, and musical events.  The students would visit, play games, paint fingernails, and do other tasks.  I would always get my mother and we would all hang out together.  When I visit I always have to bring her a sweet treat.  Now it is pudding, since all her food is ground up and easy to swallow. When her sister Janet was living my mom would hang out with Janet in the gift shop where she volunteered.  She would make Janet buy her sweet snacks.  My uncle Ken also lived at Douglas Country Care Center, so we could all hang out together, and celebrate holidays together.

    My mother Deloris Helen Bussell Bedrosky was born 1-14-30 in Valley, NE.  Her father is John Minor Bussell (11-27-1903 to 11-30-46) He died in a car accident I think. He was 26 and worked as a farm laborer when she was born.  Her father John Minor Bussell served in the army from 8-2-1920 to 9-10-1923.  He was in the 12^th Inf. With 8^th Div. His parents were Levi Martin Bussell (7-27-186_ to 5-1951) and Grace Lillian Mead Bussell (5-29-1876 to 7-3-1926).  They had 12 children and John was #6.  His grandparents were John Bussell who died in 1910 and Phehie Perkie Bussell who died in 1931.  Levi Martin was #3 of 13 children in which 4 had died when small of small pox and diphtheria. Deloris’mother is Helen Matilda Pulliam Bussell (12-26-06 to 7-3-70) and she was 23 when Deloris was born. Helen was the daughter of Francis Pulliam and Grace Kirkpatrick. 
Deloris’ father was born in Bloomfield, NE and her mother was born in Ringwood,Okla. They had four children, Eunice (5-20-25), Jack (5-12-28), Deloris (1-14-30), and the youngest Janet ((9-1-37).  My mother would always claim she was the youngest to make Janet mad. This family history, I found on a hand written note by someone. This was very confusing to read and figure out but I tried my best.  Just in case one of you grandkids get into family history.  To be honest it is really not one of my interests.  My mother would say that we had relatives that knew or was related to Abe Lincoln, and that someone came over on a ship when our county was founded and settled in PA by the name of Mead. May be getting my memories confused.  I do remember her saying that I was French, Irish, Dutch, German and Czech.  The last two are from my dad. So grandkids if someone asks where are your descendants from?  Stress the Irish and add in your dad’s descendants to the mix.  Make it easy on yourself and just answer, “I am an American.”

      Deloris married Richard Charles Bedrosky (3-18-29 to 9-11-97) on 7-28-51 at St. Frances Cabrini formerly St. Philomen’s in Omaha.  They had four children Rene Juanita(7-1-52), Nannette Kay (3-9-54, David Richard (3-9-55 to 12-5-12), and Gary James (2-6-56 the youngest and Deloris’ baby even in his 50’s). Rene married Pat McQuinn 2-2-74, David married Catherine, (DeDee) Parsons 3-18-78, and Gary married Carol Becic 6-18-94.  Richard built a house for his family on A St. up from 48^th on the south side of A.  They moved to 1403 Elm in Omaha when I was in 2^nd grade. They owned and lived at that house until the Old Market fire 1-18-95 in Deloris ’art gallery Chezar 11, 1208 Howard St and they moved to West Branson, MO.  She rented a building on a major intersection and had a jewelry shop called Lost Silver Mine Jewelry. She got to know a lot of the music people because she sold jewelry to them.  She would ask for free tickets to the various shows, so when we visited Branson we could get in free. They lived in that small building and took showers at the campground called Lilly’s down the street.  Then they moved to Pierce City, Mo, 111 E Commercial St. She called it Ariels Gallery. They paid $10,000 for a two story building that needed a lot of work.  My dad worked on that building for many years. My parents filled that building with everything under the sun.  Yes grandkids hoarding runs in my family so beware. 

      After my dad died she continued to live there until her stroke in the winter of 2000 and then lived in a nursing home in Springfield, MO.  She moved to Douglas County Care Center in Omaha April of 2001 where she is currently living.  She seems to enjoy living here.  She likes the staff, residents, and activities.  She loves the food and never complains about living there.  Which is a blessing to me, that she has a safe place to live out her life.  She is in a wheel chair since her first stoke in 2000.  She may have been able to regain some leg movement if she would have done her therapy.  I would have to pay her $20 if she when to therapy and would walk on the bars with the wheel chair following behind.  I only had to pay out a couple of times since she would give up saying it was too hard.  I wanted her to be strong enough to transfer her weigh on her own.  I enjoyed taking her out to eat and she loved it too.  Her favorite was going to Red Lobster.  We would get together there on her birthday.  She loved crab legs and shrimp.

     Sometimes I would pick her up and take her to my house.  We made our house wheel chair accessible by adding a ramp and deck with a side walk to get her into the house.  We added a small ramp to the living room to get her down the one step.  My brother Gary also had a wheel chair accessible home, so I could pick her up and take her over to family events.  She loved getting out and the eating part.  My sister-in-law is the greatest cook and she loved eating her dishes and desserts.  My mother soon became weaker and weaker.  She had a few more strokes and each time more damage would be done.  She became harder and harder to transfer into my car.  I would have to use a gate belt and she was very heavy.  One of the last times that I took her out, she stood up to transfer into my car and her legs gave out.  I could not hold her up, so I lowered her to the sidewalk.  A huge guy who worked there picked her up and got her back into her chair.  We never did make it out that day, since they had to check her out to make sure she was not hurt.  The story got out that I dropped my mom, but it was a slow gentle drop.  I am sure I went to see my chiropractor that week.  She did not want to go out on outings with me anymore.  She still would go out to eat with the Care Center in their wheel chair accessible van.  I would always make sure that she had spending money for those outings.  She loved having them take her to Wal mart to Christmas shop for all of us.  She bought the strangest gifts that we did not need or would fit.

      Every year she would love to holiday shop at Douglas County fund raiser.  She would spend close to $100 on all those sit around decoration things.  She loved buying things from the gift shop that we did not need.  I would just smile and say thanks.  She loved buying Christmas cookies from her sister Janet and we loved eating them. Before her stroke she would drive to Kansas City to make Christmas cookies with her oldest friend Jan Kroll.  I loved her stuffed date cookies, pecan pie mini tarts, and the seven layer bars.

     She had this thing about spending money even before her first stroke.  She never saved and always had to borrow money from her kids.  She could get money from David by crying and then smiling.  She got money from me by selling me her paintings and jewelry.  I have a great art collection of her art and others that she had collected. I got some great deals since I knew she was never going to pay me back. I guess when I get poor I can sell my art work collection to my kids.  Wait I just remembered that after my stroke, I sold a lot of my art collection and jewelry to get money since I was not working anymore.  I did not sell any of my mother’s art work.  I made that mistake back in the 80’s.  I had so many paintings that I had bought from her, birthday gifts, or paintings that she gave me for cleaning for her.  I was trying to get rid of some and had a garage sale.  Her cousin Violet stopped by and bought up her art work and then told her.  She was upset that I had sold some of her art work. 

     Before her first stroke she was having mini strokes, according to her brain scan.  There was a lot of minor damage which does explain things like forgetting to pay her bills.  She did not pay her phone bill and gas bill so those were turned off.  She had a pellet stove to keep warm.  She owed a lot of money to many credit companies and to the credit union.  We still get some of those bills that we were not able to pay or phone calls.   She told about getting lost when driving around and then finding herself in a different place.  She explained that away by thinking Aliens had taken her up for awhile and then returned her to earth.  She had troubles painting a commission that she was working.  It was a painting of a lady with a dog.  I still have that painting and it was not very good at all.  That troubled her so much that she could not finish that painting.

     Later after the stroke, she would take art lessons at Douglas County.  She would use her good arm to draw and paint.  I saved all her art work and even framed some lemons that she painted.  She loved seeing that picture framed and loved that I felt it was good enough to get framed.  It is currently still in my kitchen. She did drawings of people.  She did a picture of Julie and Sean for a wedding gift.  She did a drawing of me for my 51^st birthday and even wrote on it Happy 51^st birthday and signed her name.  She drew a self portrait of herself that was in an art show at Douglas County Care Center.

     The last few years she did not speak much.  She would try but then give up when we did not understand.  They have to use a lift to get her in bed and to her wheel chair.  Many days she would rather stay in bed than get up.  She loves her naps.  They get her up for breakfast and lunch and then she goes down to nap and then eats dinner in her room while watching tv.  Not really sure how much she can see.  She had the cataract surgery done a few years ago and does not need to wear glasses anymore. She then had other strokes that did eye damage.  I would come to visit and not really sure if she knew who I was until I began talking. 

    My mother loves her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  Her first grandchild which was always the special one is Angela McQuinn (3-3-77), Theresa Bedrosky 11-19-78, Julie McQuinn (1-23-79), Rachel Bedrosky (3-21-95) and her last grandchild Jessica Bedrosky (6-3-98).  Her grand-daughter Julie McGee had Jocelyn (8-14-05), Katelyn (7-22-07) Easton (3-23-09) and Weston (11-28-10.  She loves seeing all her family at Douglas County when they visit and bring her a sweet snack.  Thank you all for the visits.  If I ever get to collect on my nursing home insurance that I have been paying for these past years, I hope I will get visitors.  Yes, if you do come and see me and I am sleeping just wake me up.  I get too much sleep here.  I told this to my family when they would visit.  Just wake her up; she gets way too much sleep. 

3-22-14

    On 2-12-14 I got the news that she had died.  I had dreaded this for many years.  I would get calls from Douglas County and my heart would race wondering if it was the end.  Most phone calls were about finding a new bruise, as they got her ready for bed.  That morning I went to the gym to work out at 9:15 like I do every morning if I have a ride.  When I got home I did not notice the answering machine flashing.  Pat had left and saw the call on his phone, so he found out that she had died that morning.  He called Angie and Julie and then came home to tell me. I then cried for a while and then called my sister, brother, and niece to tell them the news.  Now days Facebook lets other relatives know.  Facebook messages saved a lot of phone calls. 

     My last day with my mother was Sunday, 2-9-14.  I was at church and received a phone call from Douglas County that she was very agitated, and that they had ordered some morphine for her.  She was scratching up her body and very restless.  Her oxygen level had been low that week also.  I let Gary and Nan know.  Gary was sick and Nan was out of town that day.  When I saw her she just stared at me and was covered in scratches.  Her good arm was covered, so somehow she had used her hand she never used to scratch up her body.  I was so glad that I could calm her down.  I held her hand, sang to her, rubbed her head and hummed the “go to sleep” song that I sing to my grandchildren and I think she sang to her grandchildren. It is a made up song I think.  I sang “Jesus Loves You.”  I sang all the songs that I would want my children to sing to me. I told her that I love her and that I was writing a story about her for the grandkids.  I also called Angie and Julie so they could talk with her to perk her up. They were able to tell her that they loved her. That also helped calm her down. I talked and reminded her about believing that Jesus died on the cross for her sins and rose again. If it was her time to go then she will spend eternity in heaven.

     The doctor stopped by to check on her.  She was going to increase her pain patch that she wore.  They had tried to give her oxygen that morning, and I feel that is what caused her the agitation.  Since she refused the oxygen, she was having a hard time breathing.  She would try to take a breath but just made a troubled sound. I remember holding her hand and noticing the rings that she was wearing.  She had two of her favorites on. One was a band that Kent (Butch) had given her and a bling ring that had stones that sparkled.  She loved jewelry. After the funeral I was asked if I wanted her jewelry back.  I said no.  That Sunday, I sang and talked with her for about 3 hours until she was calm and fell asleep.  I still can remember her staring into my eyes; it was if she was trying to tell me something.  She may have been telling me goodbye.  I need to stop for a cry break.  I’m mad that I did not finish this story of her life before she died.  I knew this was going to be hard.

     Pat was working so I did not have a ride to see her on Mon. or Tues.  I called in twice a day to find out how she was doing.  She was doing ok and had not had any moments like on Sunday.  They were still giving her the drugs to keep her calm.  In my heart I felt she was going to be fine.  I had stopped worrying about her death since Julie had a talk with me.  She had reminded me of the many times I thought she was dying and did not.  I had done all that worrying for nothing, so this time I was not worrying, so the news of her death was really a shock.  The heard nurse Mary came in that morning and she was snoring away.  When they came in at 10:10 she had died in her sleep.  That next day Pat and I went up to clean out her room, since I need to pick out an outfit to wear for her service.  She loved purple so I chose a purple shirt with sparkles.  Pat picked out a necklace and I found a silver pin and bracelet.

     We had her service on Tuesday, February 18, 2014, 6:30PM at Bramam Mortuary.  John Malone who spoke at my Dad’s funeral spoke at hers.  Kent Anderson, her foster child and friend for many years gave the eulogy.  He also did my dad’s eulogy back in 1997. Her best friend since childhood Jan Kroll drove in from Kansas City and spoke also.  I told a short story that Angie was going to tell, but could not.  It was about the time that she was going to grand friends day when Angie was in grade school.  Angie had wanted her grandma to look more like a grandma and wear her waist long hair in a bun.  She did have a bun in her hair that day, a hotdog bun. 

       Thank you all for attending and the many cards and phone calls.  Thank you for the prayers for the family.  Thank you also for the memorial donations to Douglas County Care Center for art and music therapy for the residents.  She loved attending the art and music events.  She also loved Bingo and wining those stuffed animals.  She never did realize that sometimes she would win the same stuffed animals over and over again.  I would collect her winnings and then take them back to the Rec.Thearpy room, so they could give them out again.  Some we saved at my house for the grandkids.  Every year my students would have a Bingo party for the residents and we would collect bingo prizes from students and staff to give out.  The residents loved the prizes that we gave out.  Yes, some of them were the ones that I had told the grandkids I would keep at my house.  One garage sale time I tried to sell some of the many stuffed animals that my mom had won for the grandkids, but that did not work.  Jocelyn took them back and hid them.  Someone told her that Beanie Babies could not be sold, if they did not have tags on them.  She then cut off all the tags, so I could not get rid of them.  She had a pile of maybe 50+ tags.  Julie will not allow stuffed animals at her house.  I have all her talking/dancing stuffed animals that Nan bought her at holidays.  The grandkids loved playing with the talking and dancing stuffed animals when they visited.  My mother had this thing about stuffed animals.  When we cleaned out her building in Missouri she had saved/hoarded boxes and boxes of stuffed animals.  When we had the sale every child that came had to take a few stuffed animals free.  I bet their parents loved that.

      We had a family burial service at Evergreen cemetery the next morning.  We shared and sang songs.  Sean my son in law read some Bible verses. Nancy Kemp my aunt said a few things. Then we met a Village Inn for brunch.  It was too early for Red Lobster or we would have gone to her favorite restaurant. I had also though about eating at HyVee, her other favorite place.  When she and my dad came to Omaha, they would eat at HyVee every morning.  They had 99 cent breakfasts back then. When my mother and dad would come to town, they would stay with us. She would go off and visit her many friends and family here.  My parents also loved to go dancing at a bar in South Omaha on 15^th and Vinton.  They would also visit their old friends Chuck and Marylyn Dougherty who were neighbors on Elm street. 

     When I visited my mother I would introduce her as my mother a famous artist and she would smile.  She also liked when I would say how she never had gray hair and that I would never either. I would tell people that is where I get my good looks from.  Yes, I look like her, and grand kids you will grow old and look like your parents.

My mother started drawing as a child.  She began taking art in 1949 and in 1951 she attended at Omaha Art School.  Then she took off 15 years to raise her four children.  Then she began to be an “active artist” per her resume.  On her resume from the 60’s she lists eight artists that she took lessons from.  She won 1^st prize on a county fair in 1965 and then 1^st and 2^nd in 1966.  She also taught art classes and at times I have run into artists who had taken classes from her.  She was a portrait artist but also did landscapes.  She painted with oils, acrylics, pastels, and watercolors.  She also did some sculptures. She would show her art work at different art fairs or flea markets in Omaha and Missouri.  She did most of her art work when living at her art gallery in the Old Market.  She never really had a good place to paint at home when living in Omaha.  She also painted a lot in her Pierce City Gallery that my dad and Kent helped build on the first floor.  She and my dad lived on the second floor.

      My parents loved both of those places, because they could talk with all the visitors that stopped by.  Maybe even some customers came and bought things.  Since she loved jewelry she started buying and selling jewelry.  This way she could wear the jewelry or give it to her children and grandchildren.  When the girls got their ears pierced they got a box of earrings.  Every birthday I got jewelry, many that I still wear or when she needed money I would buy jewelry from her. 

      My parents loved their dog Feathers.  She got to go with them everywhere.  She was a little black and white shih tzu with crooked teeth.  My mother felt that was why they got a good deal on Feathers when she was a puppy.  The dog they had before Feathers was Jenny. She was a small white mixed dog.  She belonged to my grandfather Phil Boyd.  My parents took him and Jenny in when they lived in West Branson.  After he died then they cared for Jenny.  When I was a kid we had Mookie a black Pekingese.  Both my parents loved their pets.  My dad had pigeons and some chickens in Omaha and Missouri.  My mother loved the pigeons because it gave my dad something to do.   

       My mother led an interesting life.  She was always searching and trying things like plastic pyramids, telling fortunes, traveling to other planets with aliens in UFO’s,  and many other things throughout her life. She loved to read and read about many things.  Years ago while in Pierce City, she bought out a used book store and then started a book store that traded paperbacks for a price.  I am sure she read all those books.  She read romance novels mostly along with the science fiction and other genres.

       I hope she found what she was searching for those many years.  I am still using her Bible that she used after my dad died.  She has certain verses circled and when I come across those; I have to wonder why did she circled that verse? She dressed like an artist, very colorful.  She was the first in Omaha to wear Birkenstock sandals and clogs.  She wore bright green clogs that she gave to Angie.  Not sure if Angie still has them, but I bet she still does.  I would never have worn clogs back then, but what did I wear in my old age? Yes, clog like shoes since they are so easy to put on and take off.  She wore colorful ponchos with a scarf or stocking hat.  She liked to stay warm.  I saved the white stocking hat that she wore many years and her pink Valentines blanket that Nan made for her.  I used that pink blanket during my last visit with her as I wrapped her in it to stay warm.  I also have my art work, jewelry, pictures, and memories.  But I can’t always rely on those memories, so grandkids that if why I am writing this for you.  Yes, I will put this into the memory book that you each have.  You will always have your memories of your great grandma Deloris Bedrosky.

 This is her self portrait that she drew while at Douglas County. 4/30/09 signed DB.  I need to get it framed.

My mother and David Bedrosky my brother.  Love and miss you both.  Thanks for the memories!