Best Friends

Pat and Rene

Deloris and Richard Bedrosky (my parents)

De Dee and David Bedrosky (my sister-in-law and brother)

We all know someone who has lost a spouse to an illness or accident.  Some of us older folks just happen to know more who are grieving the death of a husband or wife.  This subject has been on my mind lately after attending the funeral of a camping friend’s spouse who had been ill in the hospital for 15 months.  

Ecclesiastes 3 There is a time for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and time to dance… 

I can’t begin to understand the grieving process that one goes through when they have lost a spouse.  Losing one’s best friend to death is a pain that seems to be unbearable.  It is not something that you can prepare yourself for.  No, Pat my husband of 40 years is not on his death bed.  I have been praying for friends and family who have lost a spouse.  These past months I have attended funeral services of three friends whose spouses of 40 plus years had passed away due to illnesses. 

Thirty years ago I only had three friends who had lost their spouses.  Two of those remarried and had children with their second husband.  Now in my 60’s there are so many more of my friends and family mourning a loss.  As they grieve, they feel physical and emotional pain.  Their world has changed.  After years of being a couple they are now alone.  They have their memories and when that fails: they will be left with photographs to help remember their life together.  Note to self: take more pictures of Pat.  People say that time heals loss.  But then it all comes back on the anniversary of their death, their birthday, wedding date and the holidays.

What can we do to help a friend or family member as they go through the stages of grief?  I don’t have the answer to that question, but this is what I have done.  I pray for them.  I pray that they come to know that God is the only one that can help them with their grief.  I can listen to them as they share.  I can visit and send them a note or email.  We can visit together and share memories of the loved one that we both lost. 

 As time passes by, and our bodies’ age, we know that life is short.  We need to make the best of the time that we have together as man and wife.  Things that I have to do: Pray that God will help me be the wife that I need to be.  Tell Pat I love him.  Stop complaining when he spends money. Lord I really need help with that one.  Smile and agree with him, while trying not to think about the money and gas that it will take; when he decides to go on a RV trip to watch spring training baseball games.  I am building memories with him.  Note to self:  Take many pictures, the memory is not what it used to be.  Go to the gym with him when he begs me to go.  I typed that wrong.  It should read stop nagging him about going to the gym and eating healthy.  I just want to spend the years we have together in good health.

Side bar:  When I was talking to Pat this summer about wanting to start a hobby his response was, “You have one already, it’s called nagging.”  I want to hope he was just joking.  I need to enjoy the sound of Pat’s snoring.  It is a fact that women live longer than men.  So, I may have to go through the grieving process of losing Pat.  I do know that I will have help from my Lord Jesus Christ.  I will have his Word for guidance, comfort, and peace.  Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourns, for they shall be comforted.  John 11:25-26. Jesus said, to her I am the resurrection and the life.  Whoever believes live, and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die.  Do you believe this?”  When or if this happens, I will also have my family and friends as support.  My prayer is that I can be a support for those I know who have lost a spouse.  I need not fear living in a world of change without Pat.