Disabilities

Disabilities

            I have been thinking about writing about disabilities for awhile.  I was at a fair for those who have a visual disability.  There were various agencies and organizations represented that work with the blind and low vision adults and children.  Attending this event brought back memories of the many fairs that I would organize and put on for those with developmental disabilities and their parents.  I would invite all school districts and we had great turnouts.  Back in the day I would invite one organization that would send out a blind young man who used a white cane.  This young/older now man was attending the vision fair with his organization NFBN – National Federation of the Blind of Nebraska.  I had attended a picnic they had four years ago, but did not attend any meetings.

 Four years ago I thought that I was visually impaired vs blind.  The past few years I felt that I was no longer legally blind in my mind.  I quit using a white cane, and learned to use the little bit of vision I have and depend on my husband, family, and friends to guide me when I could not see.  My vision has not improved, in fact it is declining.  I get eye shots to try to hold off the loss, and may need surgery if the doctors feel that it will help.  Four years ago surgery was not an option since it is a brain/eye problem.  No, the doctor I saw last week is not talking about having brain surgery to correct eye sight; more appointments this month will be scheduled. 

At that vision fair, Pat saw that guy from the past.  I reintroduced myself and we talked.  We had a conversation about being blind and how important it was to use a cane, and the whole being independent subject.  I told him that I did not want to be disabled.  He replied with, “You are.”  I want to think I am so independent, but deep down I know I am not since I rely on Pat so much.  We also discussed a training that was happening in the near future, that would teach cane travel, technology, cooking skills, and Braille.  I left telling him that I will think on it, but really thought, NO WAY!  Yes, it was the fear taking over; I would have to be really blind all day by wearing sleep shades.  I later thought about maybe this fear of the dark can be worked on.   So I told myself, “Suck it up Buttercup”, and I registered. 

That training was last Friday, so I dusted off the dust on my white cane and used it that day.   I survived and built up a little confidence and overcame a bit of fear of the dark/blindness.  I had a change of attitude when I arrived for the training.  I had just seen one of my eye doctors (the one who gives eye shots) who said my eye sight is declining at a fast rate.  I put the sleep shades on, prayed, and tried to overcome my fear of the dark.  I think I did a pretty good job.  I had no major accidents, just one minor one.  During cooking, I was cutting an avocado with a sharp knife, and got confused of which was the sharp side.  I sliced my thumb opened, and then asked how a blind person knows if he/she is bleeding from a cut.  A blind helper told me how he tells.  I went to wash the thumb and cheated by lifting up my sleep shades to see the cut bleeding.  It was interesting to hear the stories of those who are blind.  They are living independently, supporting themselves, families, by using the tools and skills that they learned.  One young man that is taking a 6 to 9 month training class for the blind, said he has gained the confidence to get out and find employment vs just hide at home. 

I could relate to that.  Four years ago, I wanted to hide at home and not go anywhere.  Yes, it was fear.  That was not fair to Pat.  I was retired and Pat wanted to travel.  I told myself, “Suck it up, Buttercup.”  He, my daughters, and grandchildren helped me on our vacations that we took in our RV’s.  Julie sat up front and guided her dad through the big cities, while I played with the kids or worked on school subjects.  We traveled in the fall, since one can do that when your grandkids are home schooled. 

I am legally blind!  I am disabled!  I said it, but that was really hard.  I worked as a teacher for the disabled, and taught my students that their goals were to be as independent as possible.  I remember one lesson teaching them about people some famous who have disabilities that they have learned to live with.  Those disabilities can be hidden ones or visual ones like those in a wheel chair.  Some are born with their disabilities or others have had accidents,  or a brain aneurysm, (that takes your eyesight, short term memory along with the left part of your brain) and are having to learn skills in different ways and relearn skills you once knew.  I may need to dust off my white cane in the future and use it for independence.  I am praying that maybe there is an eye surgery that will help, but the risk is that the little bit that is left may be destroyed.  I need to stop writing, since that darn fear thing is taking over.

 2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 

Philippians 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your minds in Christ Jesus.